If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
