She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
