Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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