My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize