he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
