If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is not my ceiling
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
