I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
