I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
