Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
