I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
