last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
