I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
