had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
