I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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