Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize