im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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