I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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