i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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