What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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