she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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