Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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