I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
