Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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