Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
