someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's the barista slut.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
