my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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