I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
