I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
ttyl tear gas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
