dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
