I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
