New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
