I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So squirting runs in the family.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
