You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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