I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
