The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
