i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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