Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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