Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
