the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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