I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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