i just had sex bonerless
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
