I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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