hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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