just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
