i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
