I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
