I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You are the jesus of drinking
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize