I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
