I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
ok first of all what the fuck
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
