Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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