I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
