Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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