dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
