New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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