I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
