take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
