i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
