if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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