ya dads aren't the best wingmen
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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